Wow...just about two years have past and everything in my life has changed, except the fact that no matter where you are, I still love you and pray that you ended up with a great life with great parents who love you.
My heart still breaks when I think about you and how much you meant to me. You changed my life before I ever met you and I will never be the same person...but I changed for the better. You made me feel love like I never had before and probably never will again.
It is hard to talk about losing you...you were never really mine to begin with, but my heart didn't know that.
I very often think about what my life would be like if the person I had called your father (sorry about that, you did luck out in that regard) would have been more honest about his choices...if I had the time to pursue adopting you on my own. Where would the two of us be today! You'd be about ready to turn two and I know I'd be so proud of you!
But instead, I just love you...who you were to me and I hope that your birth parents have been able to forgive me for everything that happened over those few days 2 years ago.
I needed to read this so I could try to face losing you, the emptiness I will have in my heart with a place marked only for you, Bryson David.
So I will try now to say goodbye...but I will always love you and always pray that you are a happy and healthy boy who grows into a successful young man with worlds of happiness always.
Love,
(Almost) Mom...
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
January 26, 2011
Hello little man! You've been keeping us busy over the past few days! Your birth mom texted me on Sunday evening to let us know that she was at the hospital in labor! You weren't quite 34 weeks at that time. I was not expecting that call for about another month, so I panicked a little and started worrying about you and your birth mom. Then I realized how much we still need to do to get ready for you and I panicked a little more! Your birth mom texted me a couple of hours later and said they were able to stop her labor and that they were going to send her home.
I spoke with your birth mom on Monday morning and she told me that she's on bedrest and on some medicine to stop her contractions and to help to develop your lungs. The doctor hopes this will prevent you from being born before February 11. So it sounds like if all goes as planned, that will be your birthday!! You'll be at 36 weeks then.
Your Aunt Cindy is throwing your baby shower on Saturday. She's done so much work to make it a special day! Your Aunt Anjali, Miss Amy and Miss Devonie have also done so much to help! It should be a wonderful day! I'll take lots of pictures so you can see how loved you already are!
So, please stay put little peanut! We sure want to meet you but not too soon! We love you!
I spoke with your birth mom on Monday morning and she told me that she's on bedrest and on some medicine to stop her contractions and to help to develop your lungs. The doctor hopes this will prevent you from being born before February 11. So it sounds like if all goes as planned, that will be your birthday!! You'll be at 36 weeks then.
Your Aunt Cindy is throwing your baby shower on Saturday. She's done so much work to make it a special day! Your Aunt Anjali, Miss Amy and Miss Devonie have also done so much to help! It should be a wonderful day! I'll take lots of pictures so you can see how loved you already are!
So, please stay put little peanut! We sure want to meet you but not too soon! We love you!
Monday, January 17, 2011
January 17, 2011
I am getting so excited to meet you! Tomorrow you will be 33 weeks! I can't BELIEVE that time has passed as quickly as it has and that we will be meeting you in no more than 5 weeks! AMAZING and EXCITING!
I took a class so I can take great care of you! At least it taught me a lot about why you will cry and what things I can do to settle you down. Now if I can only do that for you! I am also reading about "What to Expect".
My dear and wonderful friend Sue had her baby boy today! I am certain he will be a close friend of yours! Miss Sue and I have gone through quite a bit together and it was all for you two, Nicholas James and Bryson David! We have a pretty amazing bond and I think you and Nicholas will also be pretty close friends! Neither one of us would have dreamed this would be happening even just one year ago! We are blessed!!
Your birth mom had an appointment on Friday. They tried to see your cuteness on a 4D ultrasound but you played hard to get! You are going to keep us all guessing until the day you are born I think! Good for you little man! I was NEVER good at keeping a secret so at least you don't take after me there!
We are getting ready for your shower too! Your Aunt Cindy is putting it all together with the help of Aunt Anjali, Miss Amy, Miss Sarah and so many others who have offered to bring something to help! I am really excited for it and I will take a lot of pictures so you can SEE how many people love you already! I am so touched by how excited everyone is to celebrate your arrival with me! I am going to cry my eyes out that day...because I am so happy!
We received gifts for you today too! Miss Rachel and Mr. Jason got you a super cute "Mommy Loves Me" sleeper, Robeez socks and some long sleeved onesies! Miss Lynne got you something for your shower and I am going to try my hardest not to open it before your shower, but remember what I have been telling you about surprises and secrets...I am pretty sure that'll get the best of me and I will have it opened sooner than later!
Miss Rose has also given you some onesies, binkies and LOTS of formula so we are lucky if you are a Similac baby. You have LOTS of clothes and will prove to be a very well dressed little man!
We are in love with you little peanut! My heart is starting to ache with anticipation of meeting you in just a few weeks! I continue to pray for you, your birth mom and your birth dad and I thank them every single day for allowing you to be our son! You are the best thing that has happened to me and I don't even know you yet!
I will always remind you that your birth parents are amazing people who chose for us to be your parents because they love you so much. I will always thank God for them and for you! I hope you understand one day how lucky we are because of their selfless act and their wanting the best for you. They are truly amazing. And we will not disappoint them. We will do the absolute best job we can! But without a doubt, we LOVE you!
I took a class so I can take great care of you! At least it taught me a lot about why you will cry and what things I can do to settle you down. Now if I can only do that for you! I am also reading about "What to Expect".
Your birth mom had an appointment on Friday. They tried to see your cuteness on a 4D ultrasound but you played hard to get! You are going to keep us all guessing until the day you are born I think! Good for you little man! I was NEVER good at keeping a secret so at least you don't take after me there!
We are getting ready for your shower too! Your Aunt Cindy is putting it all together with the help of Aunt Anjali, Miss Amy, Miss Sarah and so many others who have offered to bring something to help! I am really excited for it and I will take a lot of pictures so you can SEE how many people love you already! I am so touched by how excited everyone is to celebrate your arrival with me! I am going to cry my eyes out that day...because I am so happy!
We received gifts for you today too! Miss Rachel and Mr. Jason got you a super cute "Mommy Loves Me" sleeper, Robeez socks and some long sleeved onesies! Miss Lynne got you something for your shower and I am going to try my hardest not to open it before your shower, but remember what I have been telling you about surprises and secrets...I am pretty sure that'll get the best of me and I will have it opened sooner than later!
Miss Rose has also given you some onesies, binkies and LOTS of formula so we are lucky if you are a Similac baby. You have LOTS of clothes and will prove to be a very well dressed little man!
We are in love with you little peanut! My heart is starting to ache with anticipation of meeting you in just a few weeks! I continue to pray for you, your birth mom and your birth dad and I thank them every single day for allowing you to be our son! You are the best thing that has happened to me and I don't even know you yet!
I will always remind you that your birth parents are amazing people who chose for us to be your parents because they love you so much. I will always thank God for them and for you! I hope you understand one day how lucky we are because of their selfless act and their wanting the best for you. They are truly amazing. And we will not disappoint them. We will do the absolute best job we can! But without a doubt, we LOVE you!
Friday, January 7, 2011
January 7, 2011
Happy New Year Peanut! This note is just to let you know that no matter what ever happens in life, I will just love you...unconditionally. Just know you are loved!
You're 31 weeks and counting!!!
You're 31 weeks and counting!!!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
December 28, 2010
Hi Baby Boy! Your birth mom is at 30 WEEKS today! You are getting bigger and bigger and your birth mom is still feeling good so I feel like all is right in the world.
Your dad is 37 today. Boy, we have been together for a LONG time! We started dating when I was 25, so that means he was just 23 years old. Funny how time flies, except when you really want it to...I am hoping the next two months go fast though!
I had to do returns and exchanges today and it was all your stuff. You are so blessed to have so much love in your life little peanut.
I'm hoping to find out the date you will be born soon. Then I will start making plans for going out there. We'll need to find a hotel and we also have some people out there we'd like to see. They also offered their homes to us, which is really nice, but your mom and a new baby may not be the best houseguest. I will be a ball of stress, though I hope I will be one of those mom's who is calm with you so you are a relaxed little man.
One last piece of news I want to share with you before I forget is that your birth great uncle is Greg "the Hammer" Valentine. I never followed wrestling too much, but apparently he was a very well known professional wrestler back in the day. I think that's pretty cool. Your dad does too. He knows who that is so he was excited to hear that!
That's all I have for now. Happy 30 weeks...and just for the record, you weigh about 3 pounds, which is like a large head of cabbage. Love those comparisons! And I love you!
Your dad is 37 today. Boy, we have been together for a LONG time! We started dating when I was 25, so that means he was just 23 years old. Funny how time flies, except when you really want it to...I am hoping the next two months go fast though!
I had to do returns and exchanges today and it was all your stuff. You are so blessed to have so much love in your life little peanut.
I'm hoping to find out the date you will be born soon. Then I will start making plans for going out there. We'll need to find a hotel and we also have some people out there we'd like to see. They also offered their homes to us, which is really nice, but your mom and a new baby may not be the best houseguest. I will be a ball of stress, though I hope I will be one of those mom's who is calm with you so you are a relaxed little man.
One last piece of news I want to share with you before I forget is that your birth great uncle is Greg "the Hammer" Valentine. I never followed wrestling too much, but apparently he was a very well known professional wrestler back in the day. I think that's pretty cool. Your dad does too. He knows who that is so he was excited to hear that!
That's all I have for now. Happy 30 weeks...and just for the record, you weigh about 3 pounds, which is like a large head of cabbage. Love those comparisons! And I love you!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas Bryson! I have been thinking SO much of you the past couple of days and am so happy that at Christmastime next year, you will be here and we will be a family! I can't wait!
You got so many nice things for Christmas this year...I can't even imagine what Christmas will be like next year! Your duffel bag arrived, Aunt Cindy bought you some books and bath products, Grandpa Z got you a gift card (that I used to buy your area rug). Jill got you some really awesome clothes and a little car seat toy. Grandma Rita got you clothes and some much needed receiving blankets.
So I am thinking that in less than two months, we will all meet each other and become a family! I can't believe it. On Tuesday you will be 30 weeks! That's your dad's birthday so it's a nice little gift!
I love you, and again, Merry Christmas Baby Boy!
You got so many nice things for Christmas this year...I can't even imagine what Christmas will be like next year! Your duffel bag arrived, Aunt Cindy bought you some books and bath products, Grandpa Z got you a gift card (that I used to buy your area rug). Jill got you some really awesome clothes and a little car seat toy. Grandma Rita got you clothes and some much needed receiving blankets.
So I am thinking that in less than two months, we will all meet each other and become a family! I can't believe it. On Tuesday you will be 30 weeks! That's your dad's birthday so it's a nice little gift!
I love you, and again, Merry Christmas Baby Boy!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
December 19, 2010
We had the Stronka Christmas yesterday since your Grandma Rita and Grandpa Bob will be off to Florida on Tuesday. You received so many WONDERFUL things from Grandma Rita and Aunt Jill, but my favorite things were the outfits Grandma Rita gave you that used to be your dad's! As you can see below, these will now be considered "retro" or "vintage" but they are adorable! I even managed to find a couple of pictures of your dad wearing them! We also have the blanket that you see in the picture of your dad in the crib! How special is that little one??!!
So I think these outfits are the CUTEST and I can't wait for you to wear them!!
And I also let your name "out of the bag"! Bryson David Stronka...which I just think is so perfect! Bryson means "the beloved son" and that couldn't be more factual! We love you SO much!
Your Aunt Cindy is throwing you a Baby Shower on January 29th! I am very excited! There are so many people who love you so much little man! I can't wait for you to meet them! And they can't wait to meet you too!
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